For a Newbie Trying to Break Into Magazines — Could Being Blocked at Every Turn Be a Gift in the Long Run?

Imagine a woman spending hours online, trying to find certain information, and meeting dead ends at every turn. If I could somehow transmit a shrieking howl of frustration via the internet, that would be the basis of my post.

AAAEEEEEIIIIIAAAARRGHHHH###!!!!! Get it?

I am up to the part in my magazines course where I need to find sources to interview for my article. I’ve already had so much trouble finding editors and their contact information, I’m discouraged. Now, I’m trying to sign up for two different services that supply expert sources. With one, no matter how carefully I register, I get an error message saying my information is incorrect. But it doesn’t say which info is wrong, so I am stumped.

With the other site, they have strict  criteria for journalists to use their service, which I do not meet, since I have yet to be published in a magazine. Holy frustration! The entire industry seems carefully designed to keep newbies out….

I sound quite rational, don’t I?  But I don’t feel rational at all. My head is pounding. I feel desperate, angry, scared, stupid, and stuck, and I really really really want to give up. Cashiering at Home Depot? Hmmm — sounds pretty good right about now.

I feel lame continuing to complain to my teacher (who has written for over 150 publications) and am wondering why I can’t get anywhere following her instructions and if I am the only one of her students having these difficulties? I don’t know how to proceed in this moment.

But here is what I do know, and I feel most grateful to know it.

When I start feeling like this, like I am about to barf up a hairball or run screaming into the night, I know some deep inner issue, insecurity or limiting belief is coming up for review. Something I need to deal with and let go of  before I can move on. Although I am totally frustrated and miserable right now, I already know from experience that when I can see, feel and really understand what my issue is, things will shift and I will be able to move forward with my coursework.

A couple of posts back, I reported that I didn’t know why I was procrastinating or what I was trying to avoid. Now I get that I’ve been procrastinating for two weeks trying to avoid feeling this feeling and facing this issue–whatever it is.

Once upon a time, I would have just given up. But these days, I tend to look at everything with an eye to personal growth, to busting through my limitations and reaching my potential. So I am open to seeing this experience, although annoying and upsetting in this moment, as a gift for my growth overall.

Lucky for me, I have an appointment with my spiritual coach tomorrow. I know what we’ll be working on. I’ll keep you posted as to what turns up and what I have to do to let go of it and move forward.

Wish me luck. Frankly, my career depends on it. And Home Depot doesn’t really sound all that attractive after all.