Two Blows and a Blogging Award in One Day

Did you ever have the feeling your life was careening right off the rails? That something just isn’t right, you can feel it, but you don’t know what it is?

I got up this morning feeling like that, anxious and scared. Weirded out.

I realized I was worried about money. I never thought it would take me this long to find any new clients. I’ve had a whole slew of “almost” jobs that haven’t turned into anything; all kinds of referrals and “sure things” that have just vanished into thin air.

It occurred to me that I really have no idea how long it will take me to get steady work again, and I’m rapidly blowing through my savings. I had a scary premonition of waking up one morning to find the money completely gone.

I realized I have to get a part time job in the meantime, while still trying to get new clients.

Now, here’s the part where I have to tell you stuff that you might think is really weird, or totally disbelieve. But this is my life, so I’m going to share it…

I work with a spiritual teacher. He’s one of these people who can see deep inside you, as if you are completely transparent. Have you ever known anyone like that?

It’s pretty intimidating.

But he always knows what’s going on with me, even when I don’t. I asked him if there was something I was unaware of, something that was literally keeping me from getting any new writing work.

And he replied, “yes, you have hidden resistance to it.”

Not what I wanted to hear at all…

I won’t be able to move forward with this career until I do the hard inner work to remove whatever this resistance is. It doesn’t matter that I’m doing all the hard outer work. Somehow, something in me is resisting and not allowing anything to flow to me.

And I know from experience that sometimes these things take me quite some time to work through…

That was the first blow of the morning.

Dear readers, I’m now forced to admit that I went into a meltdown. Oh, woe is me, I’ll have to have some lousy $10 an hour job because I am somehow self-sabotaging my writing career!!

I went out for a walk around a nearby lake, trying to clear my head. Driving home, I heard a sound like a gunshot, so loud I nearly leaped out of the car. It was my front passenger-side tire, saying “sayonara” forever.

That was the second blow of the morning.

Both blows are looking to be quite costly, one taking an emotional toll, the other a financial one. Right now I think the whole thing blows.

But tonight, I just received the Versatile Blogger Award from Dawn of Alphabet Salad.

Thank you so much, Dawn — you absolutely made my day!

More about the Versatile Blogger Award tomorrow… plus fulfilling all my responsibilities as winner of this (highly coveted and prestigious) award.

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